Have you felt the whirlwind that’s been stirring things up these last few months?
Its been impossible not to. We are all being asked to transform on some level, whether we like it or not, because the inner world of the individual must be reformed before the broken structures of society can be reformed. All I know is that I have never before retreated so deeply into myself, and my heart has opened up in so many profound ways because of it. I’ve surrendered and softened into myself.
This whole year has been a struggle, and just when I thought I was through a particular phase of transformation and learning about myself another lesson would pop up right behind it. Its been wave after wave of challenges. They have each forced me to look into the darkest corners of my being and the many different aspects that lurked within. Its been a great churning of the energies in my heart, body and mind.
All the stuck feelings and heavy baggage from my life and my ancestral roots that I had created a comfort zone for carrying within me were overloading my psyche. I know now that the challenges presented to me, that I just couldn’t accept and grappled with my mind trying to understand them, were actually gifts from the universe. They were each little opportunities for me to let go of it all, but only if I chose to sit with the unease, to be present with the discomfort and allow the pain to pass through me. Like a friend once said to me, ‘its time to put the baggage down’.
This pandemic has offered the time for me to do that. While a painful shut down unfolded all around, while my moments of panic about business and fears of the unknown gripped me, I sensed I was being offered the time and space to work through these healing transformations. I’m not at all diminishing the horrible impact this virus has had. I’ve been so lucky that my family and friends have remained healthy. At the same time I have been able to take this stillness as a blessed opportunity to shift my life and open my heart. For that I feel a very deep sense of gratitude.
Perhaps the most profound shift has been in my realizing that I had to let go of any notion that I control anything. I have surrendered into faith all my ideas that I can direct the events and people in my life. I have let go of making other people wrong so that I could be right. I have let go of thinking that things, circumstances and people around me were no good and bad and horrible according to some mental concoctions and expectations I developed through the years.
I have accepted people and situations and things to be just as they are, without judgement. Imagine that – the notion of just allowing everything to BE, exactly as it is. This is a lofty statement for anyone to make but this has been such a deep dive into the surrender-without-judgement pool that I know I will continue to be challenged to go deeper to really get this understanding. That’s why its called a spiritual ‘practice’.
I’ve come to know myself better. I recognize my flaws and that I’m perfect and whole because of them. I am a soft soul. I’ve always been a kind and sensitive heart but tried for so long to mask it in whatever ways I thought the world would rather have me be, with an added layer of anger and fight or flight behavior patterns. But we’ll save those for another story.
I’ve been able to soften into my heart, into my being and into my soul.
This has been the greatest gift of all that I know will continue to unfold.
** I would love to start hearing your stories of transformation from the heart. Please feel free to share what you've opened up to in the last few months via comments below or email firstname.lastname@example.org
*** This is a safe and sacred space for everyone, with the intention of building a supportive community of travelers on the spiritual path. Any negative commentary, attacks or abuse of any kind will not be tolerated and will not be posted.